Night Visitor
by mAd4H-p
Summary: AU fic, Lily never married James and the war is still going on. However Severus has still turned spy against Voldemort, and tonight he recieves a very welcome visitor.New chapter added
1. Visitors and Confessions

This is an AU oneshot, Lily never married James and the war was still going on. However Severus has still turned spy against Voldemort after he had seen him attempting to kill and using the cruciatus curse on Lily.

Im thinking about rewriting some of this later, because it definately could be improved, but its been sat on my computer for months and I can't decide what to do with it. Anyway this came about because I realised I usually write pov fics with very little dialogue, so I wanted to try something new (and I love for Severus to actually get Lily in fics). Also I love Lily, but shes not perfect like some fics seem to make out, so in this I had her admit to some of her faults from when she was a teenager.

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><p>The knock on his door had been most unwelcome, it was past midnight and Severus Snape was sure that whoever it was could've waited until the morning. He sighed as he forced himself up from the comfortable chair by the fireplace. His almost permanent scowl was fixed in place as he opened his door a small amount. The woman on his doorstep was drenched from the pounding rain, her black cloak covering her hair. Severus was about to tell the woman to leave him in peace when she raised her head and he saw the bright green eyes of the one he had loved since he was a child. Lily Evans.<p>

"Can I…Can I come in?" she asked him softly. Severus too surprised to speak opened the door fully and allowed her to walk past him. This was a most unexpected visit, since he had joined the Order of the Phoenix, he and Lily seemed to have come to a kind of truce, they spoke politely to each other but since fifth year they hadn't had contact and he could not see what would have caused her to come knocking on his door at this time

"I can see this place hasn't changed at all," she said, half smiling at him, and when he didn't respond she continued, "It's been years since we last spoke."

Severus finally found his voice, "Lily, _you_ were the one who didn't want us to, _you_ were the one who broke our friendship,"

He was rather pleased to see her look uncomfortable at these words. He had loved this woman, still did love her more than life itself, and she had discarded him just because she didn't want her fellow Gryffindors thinking low of her for hanging out with that "greasy Slytherin".

"Sev, I…"

"Don't call me that!" he said coldly, that had once been a term of affection, now it was like she was tormenting him.

She looked slightly taken aback but carried on, "Severus, I feel like I should explain…well… everything,"

He looked at her for a moment, questioningly, but then nodded and sat down facing her.

For a moment she was silent, as if planning what she was going to say to him, she twisted her hair around her finger- a habit she had when nervous. Severus decided that he would not interrupt her and would let her finish before speaking himself, as clearly she had something she needed to get off her chest.

"Well," she began, "I guess first of all I owe you an apology for what happened between us in fifth year, I was incredibly foolish back then, arrogant, carried away with all the attention that was on me all the time, I was praised by teachers, had many friends, got attention from boys, I guess I just started believing that I was a much better person than I really am. You see, to me there were only good and bad people, when I was younger I had tried to ignore the Gryffindor belief that all Slytherins were bad, after all," she gave him a sad little smile, "my best friend was one. However, I even saw you begin to change over the years, I saw you hang out more with people like Mulciber and Avery and I guess I began to believe that you were becoming just like them."

She paused for a moment, looking down at her hands, "Looking back now, it seems so stupid of me, but I thought that if I yelled at you enough to leave them, you would, I didn't stop to think _why_ you might be hanging around with them. Never. All I knew was that I didn't like them and I thought that should be enough for you."

She looked straight at him and Severus tried to remain impassive, tried not to become too lost in her eyes. "I'm sorry, so sorry for ending our friendship. At the time I was stupid and sixteen and caught up in enjoying the popularity I had, and my house mates constantly said you were headed for the dark side, I guess it just seemed an easy thing to do.

"I regretted it later of course, I still cared for you, even when we were in school, but I had convinced myself that you were becoming a dark wizard and it would be best if I had nothing to do with you anymore.

"Then…well you know, in seventh year I started seeing James,"

Severus tried to keep his calm at the mention of the boy who had made his life hell for seven years, the boy who had taken the woman he loved. He could put up with anyone else dating Lily, as long as she was happy, but James Potter had everything Severus didn't, why should he have the woman Severus loved as well?

"At first it was more because I thought that if he went on a couple of dates with me, he might then realise that as a couple we just wouldn't work, but time went on and it became serious without me even realising it." She glanced up at him for a moment. "And up until about a month ago we were even living together."

"Up until a month ago?" asked Severus, unable to resist his curiosity.

"I left him." Lily stated, she didn't appear particularly upset Severus noted, "I realised that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him, I like him a lot and maybe I did love him in some way, but I cannot picture a future involving the two of us, we are from completely different worlds. Plus the last few years have completely changed me as a person, James is in many ways still a spoilt little boy, and I don't particularly fancy the idea of spending my life running after him as well as any other children we would have "

Severus was watching her carefully, she had come to him after all, and she was telling him that there was no future for her and James, could it be possible that there was someone else she could picture a future with….

"Lily, why are you telling me this?" he said a little harsher than he had intended.

She spoke a little clearer this time, "because Severus Snape, no matter how much of a jerk I was acting, I could never have forgotten you, the only reason I ended our friendship was because I was listening to what my housemates were saying about you when I should have been listening to you. I realise that now. However, I should also confess that it might also have been a way of me coping with the feelings I was realising I had for you, they were so strong it scared me."

Severus watched her carefully, hardly daring to believe it.

"I suppose I panicked, you were my best friend, and I felt like I was losing you. You were becoming a "bad" wizard, I couldn't have feelings for you, so I got angry at you. I wanted more than ever for you to change into the boy I once knew, at that moment never meaning to end the friendship as finally as I did."

When she finished she watched Severus for signs of reaction, he was obviously trying not to give anything away, but Lily knew him too well, even now, she could read him easily.

"So why did you come to me now, I… I'm a Death Eater remember," he said to her in a slightly hoarse voice.

She gave a wide smile at this and leaned forwards in her chair towards him whispering, "I know that's not true. I also know the reason you turned spy."

Severus gave a slight nod of his head, of course she did, Dumbledore will have meddled of course, though Severus couldn't quite believe that Dumbledore had done something which would benefit him instead of perfect "Golden Boy" Potter.

Though what had he told her? Had he revealed Severus's undying love for the red headed beauty in front of him?

"You know I joined the Order of the Phoenix a few weeks ago of course," he said to her, "and you know it was after I saw the Dark Lord try to murder you."

"Yes, but Sev I have to know, do you _truly_ want to fight against Voldemort, or do you just want to fight against him because he tried to kill me,"

A moment of silence then he spoke in a low voice, "I _have_ wanted to leave for some time now, it was never just about you, and I know I'm not the only one. Seeing him attempt to kill you was the turning point but not the only reason."

Lily beamed at him and he felt the old comfort he used to get from her presence, instead of the pure misery he had been suffering with for the last few years whenever he thought of her.

"Do you forgive me? For calling you..what I called you," he asked her after a pause.

"Yes. Yes of course Sev, I forgave you a long time ago for that," she seemed surprised to be asked, "But do you forgive me for treating you so badly?"

Her pleading tone caused a jolt in his heart; he knew his answer already, without even having to think about it.

He nodded. "Yes." She beamed at him again before he continued, "So, you had feelings for me?" he spoke in little more than a whisper.

She looked at him for what seemed like an age before cautiously leaning forward, "I still do," she murmured before placing her lips on his.

He pulled back from the bliss he felt from her kiss and turned away from her.

"Lily, I have a dangerous job, we would have to keep any relationship we had as quiet as possible; I would have to tell the Dark Lord I had you under the imperious curse, that I am using you."

"Sev we will figure something out, only the order would know about it, tell Voldemort whatever needs to be said. We have to take chances, what if one of us dies fighting and we never got the chance to be together, even for a little while,"

He observed her cautiously, "You broke my heart Lily," he eventually stated, his voice filled with bitterness, "when you left me. So if there is any chance of you disappearing from my life again, I would rather you just go right now, because I don't think I'll be able to cope with it a second time."

Lily gave him a small smile before standing up and taking his hand, pulling him round, forcing him to face her. She then reached up to place her lips on his once again. She knew he still wasn't fully convinced, but for now, he didn't pull back. They could carry on their talk later. Much later.


	2. Further Confessions

**Ok you guys asked for it, here's the second chapter. I've decided to start off by simply having a few chapters of them becoming reacquainted and simply enjoying each other's company. Then the actual plot will come into it. Not sure yet how long it will be in total. Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

When Lily awoke it was to the very pleasant feeling of someone else's lips on hers. Instinctively she moved her lips with theirs, revelling in the feeling of finally being able to kiss him.

She opened her eyes when she heard a quiet moan from the man lying next to her, and smiled when she met the black eyes of Severus Snape.

"Hi," he murmured against her lips.

"Hi," she whispered back before kissing him again. _Why_ hadn't they been doing this for years?

It all felt so perfect and natural, kissing him, lying with him, making love to him and waking up next to him this morning. Not everyone could fall for someone they had been friends with since they were very young children, but then Severus and Lily had never had a particularly conventional friendship. Even before Hogwarts they had been considered odd by the neighbourhood children, and then they had been sorted into rival houses while at Hogwarts and yet still managed to maintain their strange bond.

'Well for a while' Lily thought, 'I really did let him down'

She decided at that moment that she would work so hard to make it up to him.

To her surprise when she started trying to deepen the kiss he pulled back and looked at her intently, she got the feeling he wanted to say something to her but was reluctant. He sighed and sat up with a slight frown on his face.

"Sev?" She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder, smiling when she felt him relax and wrap his arms around her waist.

"I feel as though none of this is real," he admitted after a while, "I feel as though you could realise you made a mistake and just walk out any second."

Lily felt her heart break for him; he was looking at her clearly worried and desperate for her to counteract what he was saying. Other people may say that Severus Snape was closed off, but she had always been able to read him clearly, even when they hadn't been speaking.

"Sev," she whispered in his ear, "that's not going to happen, I'm yours." Then she added a little coyly, "last night should have _shown_ you that I definitely belong to you,"

She was pleased to see him shiver slightly at that comment- undoubtedly thinking of a particularly pleasant moment a few hours previously. Though he still didn't look happy.

"When you find out what I have done as a death eater you will be straight out that door," he said so quietly she struggled to hear, despite being cuddled up right next to him. "I didn't think of it last night, but now I've realised. Just now."

She looked straight into his black eyes before stating firmly, "Try me."

He looked back at her for a long moment, seeming to struggle with himself, as though he wanted nothing better than to get it off his chest but was scared of what the consequences may be.

"Lily…I don't want to lose you," he said finally, "but after everything you confessed yesterday, I know I owe you the same, even though mine are far worse. I just beg you not to hate me when you've heard it."

Lily smiled at him encouragingly; the truth was she had prepared herself for this before she showed up on his doorstep. She knew there would be awful things he had done as a death eater, she only hoped the things he had done and seen hadn't completely destroyed the young boy she had once known. The one who had sat in a playground with her, wearing that enormous coat, and dreamed of a castle they would go to one day, to practice magic of all things. However, it all seemed a lifetime ago to Lily, who by now no longer saw the magical world as an impossible dream, a fairy tale, but saw it for its reality, along with all the prejudice and anger which came with it. All because of people like her wanting to practice magic.

She realised she wouldn't hate him if he told her anything about his life on Voldemort's arm. After all, he obviously hadn't completely lost his soul to Voldemort, otherwise he would never have turned spy against him. For her. She did however want him to say what he had done out loud, as before he could even begin to forgive himself, he would have to fully acknowledge it.

"First of all I have _never_ murdered anyone," he began, "I want you to know that, my soul is still very much in one piece."

She smiled at him, words were not needed.

"But," he tentatively carried on, "I have done many things which I am not proud of, cowardly, disgusting," he trailed off briefly before launching into a story filled with begging parents, the screams of children; torture of wizards and muggles alike. When he finished, he didn't seem to be able to look at her.

Lily watched him for a long moment; she could tell he was avoiding her gaze, so she lifted his chin with her fingers forcing him to meet her gaze.

"D'you regret it?" she asked, "everything?"

"Of course! What I've done haunts me at night!"

"Then I can't possibly hate you for it Sev," he looked at her, as if he had never seen anything so wonderful, "We've both done things we regret," she continued, "and while I don't want to forget, I do want to move forward from them. With you."

She kissed him again. For now things were settled between them, the things he had done shocked her no doubt, she was even a little afraid of him while he was describing it, but none the less she knew that he had been put in a position where he had no choice in doing these things. Unless he wanted to die, and the Slytherin in him had obviously taken charge in those situations. Selfishly his own self-preservation had been more important than the lives of those around him. However Lily was already well aware that Severus Snape was a deeply flawed man- though ultimately not a bad one- perhaps that was why she had always been drawn to him. He was just as screwed up as she was deep down, and he knew that she was and loved her all the same.

She wondered what James would have been like had he seen her without the front she put on to the world. Would he have still loved her? She had never doubted for a second that James loved her. Yet he definitely did not in the way the man in front of her did. They had been 'perfect' people had said. Although Lily was never sure exactly what was meant by a 'perfect' couple.

Lily knew that she probably would have been happy had she decided to stay with him, but a part of her would always need the boy who had introduced her to the magical world. The boy who had seen her at her worst when she spent an entire summer depressed, who had seen her truly angry; watched her scream and cry and hurl her possessions against the wall, until she had finally broken down in his arms sobbing.

Nobody else had. They may have gotten occasional glimpses of her true self, but mostly they only saw the pretty and charming girl she presented herself as being to most of the world, which was really just one side of her. Not the emotional nutcase she could sometimes be- nobody ever saw her.

Severus had, and he still wanted her. He even still wanted her after she had treated him so poorly. Truly, he loved her unconditionally.

She would of course have to cherish him too. As she climbed on top of him and leant down to kiss him again, she couldn't help thinking this was a good way to start.


	3. Mini Teaser Chapter

Mini Teaser Chapter

**Hey everyone! I feel really neglectful so I am just uploading this to let you know more is coming, the next chapter is on the way, this just a little teaser :P**

Severus felt Lily's eyes on him as they sat down to breakfast one morning, they had been together for several weeks now, though he couldn't tell exactly how long. They had been spending time in their blissful bubble, locked away from the outside world; from the war, Voldemort, the people who would inevitably have problems with their relationship.

Severus knew it would change soon enough though, they couldn't stay locked up forever- as much as he would have loved it.

"We have an order meeting in a couple of days Sev, did you remember?" Lily asked him. Damn. He hadn't realised quite _that _much time had passed.

She seemed to read his expression and gave him a small smile, "they will have to accept that we are together now, they can't stop us being together,"

"If by 'they' you mean Potter and Black, I doubt they will ever accept we are together," he drawled back. However a wonderful thought had just occurred to him, Potter would see he and Lily were together, Lily had left Potter and was now with him, Severus.

Maybe the meeting might be quite fun after all…


	4. The Order and James

It was funny how Severus Snape had never been one to grab the attention of everyone in the room; he had always been the type who would lurk in the background unnoticed by most people (with an unfortunate exception to 'most people' being the Marauders). However the very first morning he walked into the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix all eyes seemed to be upon him.

Dumbledore had informed them all that Severus had turned spy and was now on their side of the war, however it seemed many of them found it incredibly hard to believe. Not that Severus could really blame them; he had probably duelled with most of them at one time or another. He also knew that many of them believed that once you went over to the dark side you never came out of it. Severus had to admit that in most cases this was true. Whether they were consumed by enjoyment of sadistic torture or killed before they stood a chance to face up against Voldemort, there were very few Death Eaters who would've dared turn their back on their Lord.

However, most of them didn't have someone like Lily Evans in their life.

Severus couldn't help noticing that there was one pair of eyes not staring in his direction. He hadn't noticed James Potter even look up when he and Lily had entered the room. Did he know they were together yet? _Well if he doesn't _Severus thought to himself, _he most definitely will by the end of the meeting. I will make sure of that._

Lily seemed to get annoyed at the scrutiny first. "Yes, Severus _is _here, he _is _working for Dumbledore, has been for a while, and," she glanced around to Severus and gave him a beautiful smile, "we are together." She took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.

There was an outbreak of low muttering, but there was only one reaction Severus truly cared about and he wasn't disappointed. James Potter had raised his head so quickly he might've cricked his neck, he seemed conflicted between deep hurt and absolute revulsion, he glanced between Severus and Lily before his eyes settled on their clasped hands. The sight of it seemed to be too much for him and he made a move as if he was about to storm out of the room.

Severus only smirked and wrapped an arm around Lily.

Unluckily for James, Dumbledore chose that moment to arrive, _no escape_ thought Severus, inwardly laughing at his former bully.

"I wish to offer a welcome to Severus who will be joining us at our meetings from now on," Dumbledore began, "I am hopeful you will all be willing to overlook his past mistakes and will make him feel at ease here."

_I doubt that _thought Severus, noticing Potter and Black were watching him from the other side of the room, every sign of hate and mistrust etched into their features. He felt Lily shift a little beside him and looked around at her, she was also looking at Potter, she seemed worried and also…guilty? While Severus couldn't understand why she might feel guilty (Potter had his chance and it didn't work out, that couldn't be helped), he understood why she was worried. Black and Potter would probably want a "word" with her at the end of the meeting- and would perhaps want to hex him for good measure, but Severus wasn't 15 anymore and it wouldn't be 4 against 1, he could handle it.

The meeting passed quickly, any information anyone had required about Death Eater activity was shared with the group before Dumbledore assigned a few of the member's new missions. Just as Severus has suspected, as soon as they were dismissed Potter rushed over to Lily,

"Please can I speak with you," he sounded quite desperate, "alone." He added pointedly.

"Of course James," Lily replied calmly, though when you knew her as well as Severus did, it was obvious she was covering up slight nerves. Was this the first time she had encountered her ex since they had broken up?

As James and Lily walked off into the next room, Sirius Black came over to Severus Snape, giving Severus a glare which would have frightened men far braver than he, but Severus was used to Sirius Black, and he refused to fear him in any way.

"I don't trust you Snivellus!"

"Well, that's just too bad isn't it Black? But it's not my fault you haven't matured since our time at Hogwarts."

"You haven't changed a bit either! What have you done to Lily? She has hated you for years; she was in love with my best mate, why did that suddenly change? You've got her under some sort of enchantment or potion!"

"First of all when would I have had the opportunity to do something like that to her? As you yourself mentioned she has hated and avoided me for years, and maybe she wasn't as 'in love' with Potter as it seemed."

Sirius opened his mouth to retort but was interrupted by Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew walking over.

"Just leave it Padfoot." Lupin told him. "Let's go find James,"

If there was ever a memory Severus Snape wanted to keep forever (besides the ones of Lily in his bed) it was the one of James Potter practically on his knees begging Lily to see sense and come back to him.

"James, we've already been through this, I'm sorry for how things ended between us, I truly am, but I don't regret it. You need to accept that and move on," Lily pleaded.

"You were everything to me, you still are, I was ready to marry you Lily! And you left me for…him!"

"I love him James, I always will, I'm not asking you to understand or be happy just yet, but please accept it and attempt to move on."

With a sigh she turned away from him, "Come on, Sev, let's go home."

Resisting the urge to laugh in James Potters face, Severus wrapped his arm tightly around Lily's shoulders and, as he left with her, couldn't help feeling proud of himself, _Potter may be sporty, popular and rich _he thought,_ but Lily wants _me_ not him, and really that's all that matters._


End file.
